Hello, my name is A and I'm a read-a-holic. (: I've been like a junkie this past week and a half. Craving a few minutes to read where ever I could find it. Often it was hovering over the kitchen counter or standing by our breadfast bar - while my kids played around me --- I'd stop for the occasional child crisis or giving directions but I immediately went back to reading as soon as I could - I couldn't get enough - I craved it - and I let other things not seem important enough to pull me away from this book. I felt I had to get done with the book to free me from this cycle - but then I wondered if I would not replace it with a different book. ??? Why couldn't I wait till after bed time to lay on the couch or in bed and leisurly enjoy reading -- where I could focus and not be distracted every few minutes while reading??? Like normal people??? Why did I have to take whatever quick fix I could to satisfy my cravings. ?????????????
Will admitting to my weakness help me own up to my other responsibilities? All this time reading wouldn't be so bad IF I enjoyed myself the entire time while reading!!! But I feel so guilty while I'm in this whirlwind, I wonder if it's worth it! I'm in a constant struggle with my desire and mind. . . . This can't be healthy! I know now my decision in high school to stop reading for pleasure was the right one for those years of schooling and college --- I was like this in middle school - always had a book in my hand, my mother had to tell me I wasn't allowed to read at the dinner table anymore because I was always so engrossed in a book! Why can't I find a nice middle ground. I suppose people with other addictions fight this battle too - "normal" people can do things in moderation and be able to stop --- but that's HARD to do sometimes!!! I've been living that this past week! I think it's better to abstain then!!! I'm not saying reading is bad - it's just that it's made me NOT do some things I need to and that's the bad part. So I must repent, ask for help, and focus on not being so absorbed --- I will try. (:
2 comments:
I've been there (maybe I still am, sometimes). :) Maybe now that you're done with Twilight it won't be so hard to put down your books...of course, those Amish ones are pretty good, too.
I'd say you're normal. : ) I know it's hard to do something you enjoy doing and not feel guilty about it! But sometimes, you've just gotta say -- oh well -- this is what I'm doing, and I'm just going to do it and be OK with myself! : )
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